fifty-seven ; the rest is still unwritten

[sunshowered]

2014 YEAR IN REVIEW

the fun stuff

Alright, here's the nitty gritty. Actual facts of things that I've done this year:

» Got a job! I interviewed to get a job at the Financial Aid Office in my school and now work there - I'm also secure to work there until I graduate and then some, laughs. They've openly said "We don't like to let you guys go!" It's minimum wage but they work with my school schedule and feed me on a regular basis, so I don't see how I'm supposed to complain.
» Out of the house for the summer! Since I got my job at the office, I stayed over in my college town over the summer because my friends cut me an amazing deal on their house and let me stay there the entire time. Then I fed myself, commuted to work through the bus, had friends over, and saved up enough money to pay for my plane ticket to London and then some!
» Leadership positions! I joined one club, one on-campus organization, two choirs, and also worked as an orientation leader in the beginning of the school year! I'm laughing because I think I jumped from doing absolutely nothing last year to working with one of the most influential organizations on campus and ingraining myself into the social network of the school.
» Cooked a little bit! I'm not gourmet by any means but now I can follow recipes, make pasta, etc etc. It's all very simple stuff still but now I'm not trying and failing to feed myself? It's great! Honestly I'm proud of myself because I never cooked a meal for myself at all before this year.
» Got back into RP! Something only relevant to the people here on DW, laughs. But honestly I'm back and I'm writing again and I'm really happy with it. Honestly I'm slow as hell when the school year is actually happening but I'm still around and I've reconnected with a lot of my old friends and I'm happy.
» Learned some coding! It's honestly nothing fancy at all but with all the tables I've learned to code, new commands I've picked up, and what I've learned for making plurk layouts too, I think I can actually say that I'm a bit more confident in my ability to figure this stuff out! I'm still a total beginner but I love learning new things anyway.
» Set goals academically! I'm a second-year but apparently already qualify as a Junior for my school because of all the AP credit I have... so now I'm trying to fill the time with a minor and also internships! I'm making plans for myself as to what I'm going to spend my time with and I'm proud of myself, in all honesty.
» Otome... protag? It's probably just because it's college and everyone starts off thirsty but at this point I'm just beating guys off with a stick. Ah well, I'm in a relationship now where I'm very happy and still rather smitten so it doesn't really matter to me anymore.
» Failed to care about my weight! .... I feel like to most people this wouldn't be an accomplishment, laughs. But to me it is. After living with my mother for so long, I was constantly fretting about how heavy I was but I'm not? Heavy? At all? People can pick me up and toss me over their shoulder, it's not a big deal. It's honestly refreshing and has helped my confidence so much.

... God, I'm looking over the list and I'm laughing. I've done a lot this year. It's nice to look back at all my accomplishments and know that I've come a long way from where I was. Now as for everything else...

the not-so-fun stuff

... my grandmother died over the summer and I'm still not over it. I don't know if I'll ever be over it. Even though it was a good opportunity for me to stay in SLO, I think that morning - knowing that she was dead and having no one there to comfort me or talk to me until I reached out to them - that was the loneliest I've ever felt. I know for a fact that all I want to do is to make her proud and smile more and take my time with things and live in her honor and make sure that her spirit lives through me but... god, it still hurts. Whenever I think about it, I still want to cry. I'm close to tears now already even though I was smiling just a second ago and I know that it's because it's still raw. I don't know when this wound is going to close up but I hope that it's soon. It was so sudden and out of nowhere and it's hard for me to think about but I don't want to shy away from it.

I decided that I'm not going to get married until I go back to the Philippines and go to her grave, laughs. She told me that she didn't approve of one of my cousin's choices to get engaged and I think it's really funny. So I'm going to go to her grave and ask her what she thinks of my guy. Then I'm going to go to all the places that she told me about and took pictures of. I'm going to do all these things and I'm going to get as close to her spirit as I possibly can. I don't know when I'm going to but I am.

Before that - and this is a part of my life that I don't broadcast to anyone IRL - I was in a relationship with a boy that I met randomly. I thought that it was going to be some grand, fun thing that was spontaneous and no strings attached. He called himself a flirt, right? How could he possibly bring down his flirt reputation? I didn't care that he was a flirt or that he was trying to get at me, I was careful and only thought it would be fun to play along for a bit and enjoy myself until he disappeared and that would've been fine. But instead he got attached to me and I got attached to him and it wasn't good - it wasn't good because he was awful to me and I realize that only now.

He never listened when I needed my space, he would make decisions for me, and every time I snapped at him, he would fix it for a little bit and then the process would repeat. God, I never took his shit but it was tiring and it was toxic. I thought I was going to date him anyway, though, when I had the time. Then... then I realized that I didn't want to date anyone and it was cathartic and I told him and fuck, he lashed out at me. He was rude and I can't forgive him because he was the first person that I've ever encountered that ever doubted my intelligence.

Say what you want about my morals or what kind of person I am but... I'm smart and I know it. I'm not a genius but I am anything but dumb and.... and I cut him out of my life, after that. He still tries to talk to me but I know for a fact that I don't need anyone in my life who pulls me down or imposes themselves on my own ability to manage my life and... god, it was bad. Except I'm also... I'm also kind of glad that it happened? Because now I know what a toxic relationship looks like. I've been spoiled in my life, you know. People have always been kind to me - I've never dealt with bullying or anyone being rude to me or being snippy, but now I've dealt with what it's like when someone is downright bad for you. And I've left him behind and I'm so glad for it.

the introspective stuff

This year is the most selfish I've been in a long time and I don't like it.

I admit that when I look back at all my commitments and the thing I did... yes, I suppose it was sort of necessary but at the same time I don't like the laziness! I was selfish and I called it "for my own well-being" but I don't think that I should've forgotten to greet people on their birthday or neglected to do my Thanksgiving messages. I don't think that I should've been this much of a recluse even during this Christmas break and I'm not really happy with it. Was it relaxing for me? Yes, very much so! But... but god, I always do everything I can for other people and I'm not very happy now that I dropped the ball. I haven't been as outwardly caring as I normally am - I forgot to even post on Facebook for some holidays for crying out loud. Normally I don't do much when it comes to physically showing people how much I care, which is why I do it through words. I make people happy through words and I just... I just haven't done it lately and I'm not happy about it. But I'm already making an attempt to change it, as you can probably tell by the latter half of this post...

Anyway, I feel like... I still haven't completely figured out who I am yet. I know I'm an optimist. I know that I'm friendly. I know that I want, more than anything else, to be charming. My parents think I'm charming and that's why they send me out to talk to people because they think I can get us the best deals. My friends think I'm charming and that's why they figure that most boys who talk to me also have a crush on me (and end up right.....). My teachers think I'm charming and trustworthy and that's why they give me responsibilities and - god I want to be charming. It makes very little sense since I'm 98% sure I'm introverted because I can't take large doses of people time after time without a break but people are always so confused when I tell them that. They always think I'm one of the friendliest and most kind people and I think that's.... I think that's sweet and I'm honestly proud of the relationships I've built. My roommates and I are super close. My best friend and I are as attached as ever. My parents and I get along more now that I'm out of the house.

It's been a good development year, I think, especially with all the new things I've tried. I've built relationships with the council I'm mentoring, the group I had for orientation, and the family I have in my new club. I'm trying every single way I can to be... to be good for these people because bringing them smiles and laughter is what I live for.

If I don't make people happy, then I don't know what I'm doing with myself.

It's weird to define yourself based on what other people think of you and I know that - I shouldn't care if people like me or don't like me or anything but... but I want them to be happy. There's a girl that I never got along with back in high school and to be honest, I'm okay if I never cross paths with her again because every time we do, she always says bad things about me to our mutual friends. ... but she went to a college she didn't want to go to and now she's involved with the campus and I'm so glad she's happy. I think everyone deserves happiness and if I can help bring them there - even though I had absolutely nothing to do with her - then... then that's all I want to do. If I make someone sad, I feel guilty. If I bore them, I get paranoid. I never want to be boring or someone that you can pass by - even though I know I'm one of billions of people.

But I hope that in every interaction I have with someone, even if it's for just a second, I can make them smile. Because I've had cashiers who give me these smiles where I know they genuinely mean it when they say "have a nice day." Because I've had people in my life who make me care packages even if I'm just going on a long drive. Because I've been blessed to know all these amazing people in my life and if I can pay their kindness forward just one more step, that's all I want.

I've made myself happy too much this year and also not enough, I think - which is a weird thing to say. But I've done a lot of "relaxing" and "taking time to myself" when I could've been with people that I care about or people that I love and I could've been taking just a little bit of time to tell them how much they mean to me. And absolutely nothing makes me as happy as when they light up at the news or tell me I made them cry because it was so sweet and... that's what I need to change in this coming year.

the future stuff?

I don't really make many resolutions and when I do they're pretty empty-headed tbh. But... I guess I'll try for the same old empty-headed resolutions and maybe make some real ones too.

» laugh more!
» smile more!
» smile whenever I make eye contact with someone! this has been a work in progress over the past few years, I admit... I'm doing it more naturally now and people almost always smile back, it's so sweet!
» get on dean's list!!!! the only actual goal on this list....
» play more than two characters at a time?! next month might bring this but legit I've gotten so bad at juggling more than one character, it's hideous
» make an OC! I have so many ideas for OCs and some vaguely fleshed out characters but.... one of these days I want to actually make one that's playable. It's a dream.
» do Thanksgiving Thankful posts! whether on Facebook or Plurk, I need to remember to tell people that I'm thankful for them this coming year instead of just putting it off until New Year's.
» do more birthday posts! I'm awful at remembering birthdays but I really need to start these posts again. they're pretty important to me.

... these are still pretty empty-headed but whatever, they work?!

LET'S GET TO THE FUN PART.

2014 NOTES TO PEOPLE

Well, my lack of direct and blunt loving was something that I wanted to change immediately!! So I wrote individual notes to whoever came to mind that I thought was especially kind to me over the year or I just had something to tell you. These get pretty embarrassing, so I'm really sorry, please don't judge me. Overall though, I hope you all have a really great new year!! NOW LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

EVERYONE: I fully admit that there are a lot of names in this list and they are not everyone on my plurk list - so if you want a personalized message, seriously, just drop me a comment, I don't mind. But I also want to just say that absolutely everyone, every single person on my plurk list is absolutely amazing. I don't know what happens in your daily lives but I know that if you have the power to smile, laugh, and keep going through your days for one reason or another, then I am so, so proud of you. You kick so much ass and whether 2014 was kind to you or not, I know that 2015 will be better. Please know that I only think the best of you and hope that you will be able to rely on me if you ever need anything in the future. You are gorgeous, you are overwhelming kind, and you are a one of a kind person. Thank you for everything and I hope that you only received the best in the coming year. I'm lucky to know every single one of you and I can't count all the ways that you make me happy.

Aly: I feel like I instinctively praise you a ton and feel the need to do so regularly and I'm not sure what causes it and I'm so sorry if it's creepy.... but legitimately, I admire you so much. Like for one, all your tags are so well thought out and I constantly worry myself if I'm keeping you entertained in the thread or if you're enjoying it as much as I am but! I do know that I just want to keep playing with you and talking to you because you're always so strong. I admire how willing you are to speak your mind and share your opinions with others and how concerned you are with making sure that everyone in the game is always enjoying themselves! It's something that's really important and you regularly bring up things that could potentially be problems that I never even considered. I love being in games with you because you always have so much fun too - and I love how you always inspire other people to come along. It's amazing! Honestly you're just super amazing.

Aki: oh my god Aki, where do I even start..... I mean that in the best way possible because already as I'm typing this, I have a huge smile on my face. You are flawless. I mean that in complete honesty because okay for one, my inbox is never really clean because not only are your tags fun and engaging but they're quick. They're also some of the funniest things I ever get in my inbox and I'm so overjoyed every time I get to tag with you. The threads are never dull and are so much fun and I love threading with you so much. But I also love just talking to you because you're so funny like I feel like I never make it through a conversation with you without starting to laugh helplessly. Thank you for being such a shining star in my life and I'm so glad that we have CR again and I finally have you on plurk - I didn't for a long time and I never understood why. You're a joy to know and I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you better and I hope that your 2015 is absolutely wonderful, no holding back.

Ame: I think I've been legitimately head over heels infatuated with you since we met, laughs. We started tagging for funsies with Clear and Sakon and I was just unbearably excited to add you on plurk and I figure it was embarrassing because I typically have way too high of an energy level and come off too strong but then you met my energy with your own excitement and continued to just be the most adorable human being I've ever encountered. Ame, you are SO SWEET and so considerate and so kind and so wonderful and so fabulous and so pretty and I love you, I really, sincerely do. Talking with you is always enjoyable and threading with you is just as fun and honestly any time that I get to interact with you, it's a total treat. You're a fantastic person and you're so.... You're honestly just so warm. Fun fact is that whenever i read 'ame' I think about when I was in Japanese class and my teacher told us that 'ame' can either mean candy or rain and every time I think about you, I always think that you're sweet as candy and refreshing as rain. May your 2015 bring you even more joy and happiness and I hope you have fun with your bae and I hope that the world treats you right and loves you as much as I do.

Amy: WE'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN IN A GAME TOGETHER but I'm laughing because I'm still so fond of you, like it's crazy. We met in Timpeni's random plurk, didn't we, and then since then we've just been chilling on each other's plurk lists.... IT JUST MAKES ME LAUGH because our main thing in common in samurai tbh. Anyway, Amy, I think the way that we met is just a testament of how fantastic you are. You're so easy to get to know and to love and adore so it's kind of natural to me that we became such fast friends. You made it so simple! Honestly, you're kind and sweet and considerate and so down for plotting all the time and I love whatever random PSL or thread we have going on at any time. You make threading with you so fun and easy and I love you as a person as well as an RPer. I hope that in 2015 we can continue to play together and talk and chill and I hope that yours in particular is very, very wonderful and excellent.

Apa: I'm not sure how long I've actually known you because it legitimately feels like I've known you for... actually forever, it's so strange! Honestly I couldn't imagine playing Tenka off any other Shirasu anymore and I've absolutely loved being able to get to know you over this past... while? However long, haha. Honestly, you're also one of the first people to greet me in the day and I always think that it's unbearably sweet of you. You're so kind and outgoing and I sincerely love being able to get to follow you throughout your adventures whenever you plurk about them and I'm not surprised at all by how much fun you have. It seems like this past month has been a lot of traveling for you and you're moving into your new place and honestly I think that's just so cool. You're such a go-getter and I support you 200% in everything that you do. You've been nothing short of supportive and kind and considerate to me and I know that I'm so lucky to know you. I'm unbearably excited to get to know you more over the new year and cry with you more about DnW and whatever else may come.

Becci: honestly i'm laughing because even though I added you on plurk for RP I'm pretty sure we've just talked more about random RL things OOC than any actual RPing we did together. not that I mind at all and hopefully we'll do more RPing when you come to Cerealia but I really do just want to sincerely say thank you for everything this past year. whenever I talk about something RL-related and clutch my face or fuss, you're always there to lend an ear or your advice and it makes me so, so happy beacuse that means our tie does extend past the 'we're not in the same game anymore' dilemma. I'm always just as happy to hear about how life is going for you and I hope that there's only more goodness and fun coming for you in the new year. You've always been so considerate and sweet when we've talked and I'm not surprised that you've managed to secure someone in your life that thinks you're as sweet and wonderful as I do!! You're wonderful Becci and I sincerely hope that we only stay friends through 2015.

Beech: Beech, you're just such a nice person, I'm amazed.... We always talk in small spurts and kinda randomly but I also always enjoy it? Like you're honestly just so easy-going and easy to talk to and it's so reassuring for me! Also on a side note, I'm impressed with you too.... not only do you play VNs but you even buy doujin and scan the doujin and make icons from it I'm over here in amazement like wow, how does such an awesome person exist? You're capable of so many other talents on top of being a talented writer and I'm really, really excited that you're making progress on your own VN! I'm sure it'll be amazing and I'm clutching my face because I've never met anyone who was so ambitious as to make a VN before but I'm totally rooting for you 300%!! Like it's just... You're an awesome person, you really are, and I'm so, so glad that I have the chance to know you and follow your progress and just be your friend. I hope that your 2015 is productive and just as totally amazing as you are!

Cal / Dearest / Casual Destroyer of Hearts and Inboxes Too: You know the drill by now, scroll all the way down. I still haven't forgiven you. Not at all.

Icki: You're a really impressive person. Like, I need to start off with that because you really do so much and I'm endlessly impressed with you. You focus a lot on what you want to do in the future and I think that's really admirable and it's strange to think that you're only a few years older than me because I feel like you're so much more worldly and mature and knowledgeable than I am. You're really impressive as a person and I admire your intelligence and your focus and your drive and the fact that you really just want to do something that you want to do. More than that, I really do appreciate how you reach out to people whether it's in the private plurks that you send me or when you open a question to everyone on your plurk list just to find out more about their characters. I think something like that is really, really amazing and shows just how much of an open heart that you have. you're a wonderful person, Icki, and maybe 2015 just bring you more laughter and fun. c: ♥

Jae: I'm laughing because I think I've known you longer than dearest or Jan and that's a strange thought, isn't it? I'm pretty sure that's the case because I met you in Memento Eden, all those years ago, which was probably before I even joined Somarium, wasn't it? It makes me laugh to think because.... because we're still so close after all these years and I love you dearly. Occasionally there are long gaps between when we talk but whenever we do, it feels like none of that time even happened. It's always just been you and me, familiar with each other since practically the beginning of time and that's so weird. But I'll be sticking with you forever because Jae, you're as impressive as you were when we met the first time. You're good at so many different things, whether it's making icons or just making people laugh, and I love you. I sincerely, really, truly love you and I always figure that you're going to be in my life, one way or the other. You're amazing and sweet and... god, I adore you, I really do. I don't think I know how to stop adoring you and I really don't want to. You're stuck with me - I'm sorry about that.

January: Jan, sweet Jan..... let me just visit and wrap you in blankets and sit with you forever and we can watch LoL or not or just talk or not or just let me exist next to you. CREEPY AS THAT MAY SOUND, I really do just.... honestly love you from the bottom of my heart and sometimes I still worry that I don't tell you that enough. this past year might've been a little rocky but I just want to assure you that I love you dearly. I am forgetful and I am awful and I am negligent but I also love you so very, very much and only want to see you happy. I hope that in the coming year your tears will dry and if you ever cry again, I want them only to be tears of joy. You are precious to me and you are someone that I simply enjoy talking to or even just having our conversation open in an AIM window. That's enough for me and you are always more than enough for me because you are a fantastic, talented, sweet, considerate, and simply amazing human being. I've always adored you and I always will. That is my promise.

Jelle: you are spectacular. I'm honestly mad because I don't think I've ever really gotten the chance to dote on you before so I'm going to do it now with absolutely everything I have, prepare for this to get really embarrassing...!!!! Jelle, you were there with me when I was going through Hakus for the first time and goodness knows that was a mess of me crying over Kondou and then crying over husbands and then eventually I stopped crying and started laughing through my tears because you were right there with me and it was honestly the best. I know that once my school year started I got swamped with things and wasn't able to talk to you as frequently and still haven't gotten back in the groove and I kick myself about it regularly because god sometimes I just miss you. I see you on plurk everyday and I drag my feet on our PSL because I get so nervous playing Sano but honestly absolutely nothing compares to the fact that I can just laugh with you on LINE and you honestly made my days. Every single time that I get to talk to you is a joy because you are hilarious, kind, and fantastic to talk to always. I'm in love with your consideration for other people, your honesty when things do bug you, and your strength in how you go on with every single day. I admire your ability to write beautiful tags and manage your massive inbox, your dedication to your characters, and the way that you manage to everyone else excited about your characters too. Jelle, you have a talent for people while at the same managing your own life and I think it's fantastic. I hope that no one bothers you in the coming year because a) I'll beat them up and b) you deserve nothing but the best. With all the work you put into everything you do and how much of a genuinely sincere and wonderful person you are, I hope that the coming year is kind to you. I hope that you smile a lot and laugh even more than that, I hope that your dramas are always top-notch, and I hope that I get to spend more of my days and nights laughing over things with you because they are already some of the best memories that I have of 2014.

Kassie: okay like I spent my morning laughing at my computer screen because of you how could I not include you in this.... i DON'T KNOW YOU VERY WELL STILL HONESTLY but I feel like every time I talk to you, I do end up with this stupidly big grin on my face and a set of laughter already accomplished. You're honestly fantastic and I hope that your vacations have been great and I'm so looking forward to having you in my life in the coming new year and all the inevitable adventures things we're going to get to. idk I still think you could be my soulmate, that could be a thing. you could be the yukimura to my masamune i think that works out pretty well this could be us

Katy: thank you for the 10 friend points and Smile Princess help every day on love live, I wouldn't have made it without you- NO I'M KIDDING except... for the part where I'm not, laughs. Idols have eaten my life and I'm so glad that I get to interact with you on a daily basis basically through it. Also your snapchats are on point and those are fun to get too.... you're friends with me on more social media things than most so you deal with all my spam and yet? we're still friends, idk I think this is true friendship. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I love you dearly honestly. You are fun and helpful and hilarious and so much fun to RP with and chat with and agonize over idols with and honestly Katy, you're irreplaceable to me. ♥

Kia: KIA MY DARLING it's no surprise that I love you, is it? honestly everything that I've said about you has been the truth because you shine as bright as every single star in a clear night sky. I love you so much and I love your energy and your cheerfulness and I know for a fact that you're going to do absolutely amazing amazing amazing things in the new year. NO MORE IKEA YOU WILL LEAVE IT and you will conquer the world with your smiles and legion of puppy followers.... and it will be a beautiful world. I have a really late gift that I'm sending to you and dearest but make sure you poke dearest about it because part of it is definitely yours. so much love and affection for you and I never, ever want to imagine a life without having your smile and positivity in it. I think that my sky would get a lot darker without you.

Kimi: so you're still basically my academic idol..... honestly Kimi you work so hard and all of it pays off and I'm always in awe of how much you know. and also how well you can apply it to your fandoms too like legitimately I think that's still absurdly cool. here I am trying to analyze random canon politics and putting it with what I've learned in class while you're tackling the task that is JJBA and I'm so impressed. also you're hilarious and I love your input on everything because I typically agree with you a ton. you're vastly intelligent, you cosplay, you play video games, you seem genuinely happy with your life and you were there for me the whole way through when I went through a difficult time over the summer and you are simply an absolutely amazing, breathtakingly fantastic human being.

Kosy: sweet darling Kosy you're a beautiful soul and I love you...... bless you and your ass godliness- BUT NO IN COMPLETE HONESTY, I'm so glad that we're talking regularly again because I've missed you so. You're a beautiful person with an equally gorgeous soul and I love hearing about all your adventures and laughing at all your jokes because god you're still so unbearably hilarious. More than that, your art gets more and more beautiful every single day and I cherish every single piece that I get. sometimes i legit cycle through your art for my phone backgrounds and I regret nothing about it. I hope that life has been treating you well and I hope that the new year will also be absolutely fantastic to you! But honestly, I would expect nothing less because someone as wonderful and talented as Kosy should always have good years.

Liah: My darling princess!!! I'm already missing playing with you in-game but honestly I love just keeping up with whatever you're doing. You're still super sweet and kind and I adore you endlessly and I... honestly, I'm just so glad that I've gotten the chance to know you. You're considerate and such a wonderful person, I'm really happy that I get to call you my friend. All the work that you do IRL is kind of just a testament to how great you are and I really do admire how good you are at time management, it's something that I personally really want to try to pick up. You seem to be really skilled at everything you do and I'm in constant awe of you because you also manage to be one of the best people that I know on top of that. You're funny, sweet, smart, and honestly just... a flawless example of an excellent human being. I hope that your 2015 is filled with beautiful things and wonderful things because that's what you deserve in your life.

Lidi: I MET YOU, I MET YOU AND YOU ARE A GIANT AND I'M JUST ???? You're so cool..... I was there with my RL friend and my sister so we couldn't chat for long but I'm so, so glad that I got to meet you!! It's been so long and I'm laughing because you're honestly just as hilarious and awesome in person. It's weird how long we've known each other considering how?? Very little we actually technically RPed together now that I think about it? It's ridiculous but I'm so, so glad that I've really gotten the chance to keep you on as my friend over the years as we yell over random different things and I still leave every conversation with you in a fit of giggles because you're such a hilarious, fantastic, and generally amazing person. I don't think I'll be able to go to AX this coming summer but we definitely need to hang out in some other way because I sincerely adore you.

Meili: I'M LEGITIMATELY STILL SO HAPPY THAT I GOT TO MEET YOU THIS YEAR ASDF;JKL SF THAT'S HONESTLY SUCH A BIG BLESSING LIKE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.... I'm so happy since it was my first con and I got to meet both you and Lidi but honestly I'm just glad that we're still talking even after all these years. It feels weird to think that we met all those years ago in the Somarium cast and we're still so close and I'm so glad that I get to talk to you on a regular basis and you get into my canons and you're as cute as ever. Honestly, I just admire you so much. You work so hard with your family but also work hard on your cosplay and work hard on your grades and you are honestly just so admirable for so many reasons I can't even begin to name them all. You're skilled at so many different things and yet you're still just as kind and open and sweet as always. I'm so glad that you're continuing on with all your different pursuits and I still have you on plurk and you are legitimately just.... such a wonderful human being and I'm so, so glad that I know you.

Par: In complete honesty, I look to you for inspiration a lot. I find it so admirable that even with your slightly tumultuous year in terms of losing a job, you were able to keep your head up and already found a new one. Like, I think you're just amazing and after reading up on your year in review post, I can only think that's the truth even more. Par, you're so much fun to talk to and thread with and I just wanted to say that I'm really, really glad that I've gotten to know you. You're sweet and considerate and kind and funny every time that we chat and you offered to keep me company when I went out shopping even though I'm bad at keeping up conversations and you are just one of the most sincerely considerate and sweet people that I know. Thank you for everything that you've done for me this past year and for being an amazing person because I really just admire you. I hope that your 2015 brings you more reassurance and good luck and honestly just a lot of wonderful things for a wonderful person.

Sadie: SWEET SADIE, you are also someone that I haven't known for very long and yet I feel like I've known you for... actually forever. When I think about it objectively, I know that I haven't known you for even half a year and yet, you slot yourself so easily into my life that I can't imagine it going on without you. You're fun and funny and clearly have amazing taste in music and also your writing is fantastic. I fully admit to stalking your threads. I love how willing you are to roll with absolutely everything that is the ridiculousness of SenBASA and you always manage to the creepiness of Gyoubu along with the sheer hilarity of the series and it fits the genre so very well. More than that, I appreciate how concerned you get over my life especially since I have been rather guilty of complaining lately and I will never be able to tell you just how much I truly appreciate it. You're such a genuinely kind person and I hope that the next year treats you so very, very well. I'll be with you every single step of the way.

Sib: to be honest, I can't really start this off without saying that I saw that your 'a year's worth of Sib art' in your plurk this morning and I want you to know that I'm still amazed by how talented you are every single time you post something. I watched your livestream, I peruse through your tumblr, and I am constantly still just in awe of your talent. I know that we're all our own worst critic and I don't know how much of what I say can help but for the record, I don't think you're losing your talent at all. I believe that you're more than capable of working at it and only improving and I'm rooting for you!! But more than as an artist, Sib, you're a wonderful person with so much else to offer, too. I appreciate how you're working on translating the BWS routes and I fully admit 200% that I plan on going through them soon, laughs. You got me interested in the series and otomes in general and now I highly doubt that I'll ever really look back. I don't find it surprising at all because you manage to share how excited you are with other people and then you pull them right along with you into otome hell and your other fandoms. And then even past fandoms, I love how passionate you are about the subjects you're interested in and how much you seem to genuinely enjoy what you're looking for a job in. You are honestly just such a great person and I admire you endlessly and always will. I hope your 2015 is absolutely as wonderful as you.

Timpeni: my darling daughter, what can I say to you, my gosh. Well, to start off, I love you. We've fallen sliiiiightly out of touch lately but I think that's just because we've both been busy but in complete and utter honesty, I love you. You're funny and smart and so dedicated to absolutely everything you love and just hearing about all your adventures gives me such joy. Honestly, your life is ridiculous but it's kind of fitting because you're ridiculous too - but in the best way possible, laughs. I love how you charge into anything with all the energy you can muster and I have a feeling that you'll charge into the new year much of the same way. I'm not sure how much help I can offer or what use I can be to you, but I sincerely hope that you will be able to count on me whenever you need anything in the coming year. I support you in every single one of your endeavors and I know for a fact that you will be an actual star. You have this way of going about things that invites everyone to fall in love with you and boy did I get caught in that trap really, really well.

Trap: so I gush about you regularly and I don't really regret it because you're honestly just.... such a good person!! like, I don't know what it is, but I find myself constantly reflecting on how kind and sweet and absolutely wonderful you are to be around! I love how seamlessly you talk to so many people and develop so many relationships because it's something that I think only someone who is incredibly sincere is capable of. obviously I love your writing and I love playing with you and I enjoy being in casts with you so very, very much but more than that, I also just love... you. you are a person that I want to talk to all the time and laugh with all the time and have all sorts of ridiculous fandom memories with because you are such a fantastic human being. thank you for rolling with all of my dumb suggestions and encouraging me to just be myself - because honestly you are someone whose presence is always, always appreciated. I hope that in the new year, I'll only get to spend more of it with you. ♥

Yaywon: listen it takes a lot of patience to sit through it when I liveplurk something and yet you managed to make it through the entirety of my AnY adventures - both the manga and the summaries. so I'm just going to give you a metaphorical gold star and a hug through the internet, I hope you enjoy..... but no in complete honesty we've only just started talking recently and I love you so much. because well, to start, you're absolutely hilarious and your tags are a joy and I'm constantly cackling when I get them back. but also more than that, you're so.... chill!! I love that you're willing to go with the flow when people suggest new things and it makes me super happy. though I admit that lately it seems like people RL are being Less Than Kind so don't mind if I book the next plane over and go to kick their ass - but in all honesty, I really.... really just hope that you don't let it get to you. When you had your revelation of not letting things bog you down, I was so happy because it's honestly one of the most important steps I ever took in life. If nothing else, please remember that you are an amazing individual that receives so much love from all around you. Bad things can happen but your life is not bad and if it ever starts feeling like it is, please don't hesitate to let me know so I can pump some love back into it. You deserve smiles and sunshine and nothing short of absolute beauty in all of your days.

Yuul: we haven't hung out yet and I'm gomen, I'm the worst at scheduling.......... BUT LMFAO HONESTLY YUUL, I'm laughing because I met you maybe a month ago. If that. Yet I already love seeing you in every single one of my plurks and I don't know how I got by without seeing your Ao emotes everywhere.............. you're hilarious and oh my god can I just say that you're a phenomenal writer? sometimes I read your tags and I just clutch my chest for a couple minutes because it's not only emotionally hitting me LIKE A WREEEECKING BAAALLLLL but also the words are just gorgeously composed in it. You have a talent for writing honestly and also coloring like your icons are gorgeous and is there anything you're not good at, I must ask. but really though, you've been supportive and considerate and funny and fantastic in absolutely everything I've seen you in and I love you for it already. my new years resolution for you is simply this.

Dearest: Right okay, I guess I have to talk about you or something??

Ah, dearest.... Well, this was approximately our fifth year together and that makes me laugh. Because I think it was around this time of year when we started texting that while back, right? And with very few interruptions, we've pretty much been texting for every single day since. I'm scared if there's some kind of like five year text history to see who I sent all my messages to because so many of them would be to you and that's embarrassing. But also I guess.... that's how I know that you've been with me through every single step of the way. From my days where I actually danced, to when I was worried over standardized testing, to now when I'm actually in my second year in college somehow? You've been here with me since it was... I think my first year in high school, right? God, that's insane. That's absolutely insane. But also I'm so glad because when I think about these past couple years, I don't know how I could've done it without you.

Even when I left DWRP, we still talked the entire time. We built up PSLs in text messages and came up with a ridiculously complex universe in about a year's time and it makes me laugh to think about it. We have an entire musebox to ourselves that we've filled with over 15k of comments, we've had so many different kinds of pairs that we have a bingo sheet dedicated to figuring out which tropes of ours they hit the most? LIke how on earth.... do we even manage something like that? It's so funny to me but more than that, it's ridiculous how seamlessly we manage it all. Sometimes we say the exact same things or keysmash at the same time or have the same ideas and it's just... for five years, you've affected me and been there to advise me and I don't know think I'd be who I am today if I didn't have you. You're inspiring. You're intelligent and you're capable and you're responsible and you're fun and you're hilarious and you're so many different things that I wish that I could be. I aspire to be as much of an influence in the world as you are because you've just touched so many lives just being yourself and that's amazing.

It's like I gush about you twice a year guaranteed (around now and your birthday) but I never run out of things to say because every year you just do more and more. You've won how many hockey tournaments now? You've got how many jobs? You inbox reaches what number every day? I think it's just... it's so funny but so admirable and I love you endlessly. People say that you only get one or two really good friends in your life and well. Obviously I'm trying to avoid that because I like to keep people forever but I also think that without a doubt, if that's true, you're going to be someone that I'll be clinging to for years to come still. Life is an adventure with you, dearest, and I love every single journey that we take. I love you and here's to 2015 being absolutely fantastic.




Haaaaaaa, okay!! That's it! Gosh, this post is so long, I'm sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to send it with one more thank you and one more HAVE A WONDERFUL 2015. ♥♥

Comments

[embody]

I'm really amazed at the energy that you and Cal put in to writing these things, they're honestly so amazing and so well thought out. I'm glad that with my dumb academic bullshit, I make someone laugh. I'm really happy that you've got something out of it, and I hope we can continue to be friends into 2015 and beyond. ♥ Happy new year to you too Dana.

[ninjawon]

YELLS DANA!!!!! Thank you so much your words... THEY MADE ME REALLY HAPPY TO READ!!! thank you for being shiniest bunch of sunshine... you are the true diamond that keeps on shining... I CAN MAKE UP SEVERAL MORE METAPHORS BUT YOU PROBABLY GET THE PICTURE LMF ngl i was so excited to read your AnY plurk because nothing is better than watching other people get into the fandoms you love you know plus it was even better because you thought lili and soowon were perfect and then i knew at that moment YOU'RE MY PEOPLE

and that we could ship it forever.... FOREVER

HERE'S TO GETTING EVEN CLOSER THROUGH 2015 AND RPING ALL THE THINGS!!! thank you for support dana IT MEANS A LOT TO ME!!